The Long-Awaited Ford Transit Connect Electric
We have been waiting oh-so-long for a Ford all-electric car (not really of course – no one cares). Clearly, Ford wanted to check the landscape first to pop onto the scene with an all-star that blows everyone else out of the water. Honda tested the hybrid model first with its Honda Insight all the way back in 2000. Then the all-popular Toyota Prius made it onto the scene. Not much later, Ford itself created the Escape Hybrid to test the waters. But we have waited long, with much anticipation, as Ford was undoubtedly working days and nights to create the best, world-class design for its first all-electric debut. And we finally have it: the Ford Transit Connect:
What?!? Exactly. Let’s try to understand the thought-process here. This is Ford: a car manufacturer that is in some incredibly deep doo-doo – as is the car industry as a whole. They continue to make cars. With each one, they have an opportunity to create something that will have mass appeal. They can create a car that will look amazing and will cater to the most people possible. That way they could sell more cars, make more money, and be in less of that doo-doo. But what do they do instead? Create a crazy-ugly commercial panel van?!?! What in the world are they thinking! And they wonder why they’re failing?
Now that they’ve made a car to capture the hearts of the 20-person market that this targets, I really do hope that they create another such beaty that will grab the attention of another 20 folks with deep pockets. What a great business model, clearly. And take a look at that thing. It’s got all the boxiness that any eye hates. It looks incredibly cheapo and it even has a useless elevated roof that just completely eliminates all appeal. Don’t agree that the higher roof is useless? Well sure, you would reasonably think that there has to be a purpose to it. In a way, you’re right. They stretched the car vertically and ruined asthetics even more to make sure that they have space for the ever-so-necessary overhead compartment. Who doesn’t want to be like an airplane these days!
But at least it must be comfortable, no? Oh, yes, of course. In fact, just as comfortable as – once again – an airplane (except even less spacious than coach class):
The Ford Kidnapping Van
What’s the easiest way to fall into the attention of that nearby police cruiser? Simply drive the standard-issue kidnap van made by Ford and popularized by mobs, gangs, and criminals worldwide (and by worldwide we mean America):
This one clearly has some visible damage from an action-packed kidnapping that must have gone wrong as Police started chasing them. Who knows which side won. At least we know that the kidnap van clipped something on the way. Would be sweet if it was a fire hydrant that created a big scene at the site of collision (or rather, scrape). What’s missing on this kidnap van? Just the marketing signs. The fella who owns this need to get a big label/decal/sign that says “Bob’s Kidnapping Service, LLC” and several special offers such as “Kidnap Two People, Get One Free” or “One Child Free with Every Kidnapped Mother”. Oh, and don’t forget to tape people’s reaction – as well as take pictures of the arrest.