A Mustang and a Smart Car Sitting in a Tree…
It’s starting to look like there are so many ugly cars out there and so little time to cover them all. We’re thinking that we’ll switch over to a format with even less text so that the visuals can “shine” and speak for themselves. You can use your imagination to ridicule the ugly cars that we expose. Starting with today, which must have included a lot of such imagination just to be able to come up with an incredibly unappealing concoction by cross-mating a mustang with a Smart Car.
Depending on your tastes this picture might be babe-a-licious for you. But definitely independent of your tastes and rather objectively, the ride in the background is just awkward and uncomfortable to look at. It’s one of those cases of stunted growth again. Looks like a dwarfed muscle car. The Smart Car by itself is OK looking and passes overall. The mustang is just a nice-looking car in general. So why ruin both of them at once? Do you have nothing better to do, whoever did this?
At least we all know now what it looks like when you superimpose one of the cars onto the other – Mustang and Smart. But did anyone ask for that? Was anyone actually curious? No! In fact, the result looks like a cheapo home-project. Even reminiscent of communist little cars. Especially the back – where that little ledge just doesn’t make any sense. The true inspiration must be the communist FIat.
The Extinct Daewoo Matiz
This is the case of one of those ugly babies that only a mother could love. And since a car has no mother, there is thus no one to love the Daewoo Matiz. In fact, its “mother” even disowned it several times. It has lived in more foster homes than the average ghetto thug that is responsible for your local weekend shootings. When you check the Wikipedia page on this ride, you’ll see that it was passed from parent company to parent company. Its misfortune came from day one, when the company that it was designed for, Fiat (in Italy), rejected the design. It then clawed and fought its way into the arms of other makers, but only for a bit at a time. Believe it or not, this car has amazingly made it through so many different caretakers that its design exists as the following models: Chevrolet Matiz, Chevrolet Spark, Chevrolet Joy, Pontiac Matiz G2, Pontiac Matiz, Pontiac G2, Chevrolet Exclusive, FSO Matiz, Chevrolet Taxi 7:24, Chronos UZ, and Daewoo Matiz. Yup, that’s pretty crazy. Agreed. But at least we can learn a valuable life lesson from it – it’s apparently the ugly kid that sleeps around the most.
Why the car is so ugly isn’t very hard to tell. Just looking at the front of it, what’s up with that weirdly disproportional and just “off”/lob-sided slant of the hood? I’m pretty sure that only minivans keep the same diagonal angle from top of windshield to bottom of front bumper. But then they also have that massive size to somehow “make up” for it and at least that’s just the way we’re used to seeing mini-vans. But a small, (very) compact car? It just looks awkward. Then there are those headlights. Clearly the genius designer must have thought to himself that Mercedes has round headlights and Porsche has round headlights – and they’re doing stellar, so it must be that the round headlights are it. They undoubtedly make the whole car. Well, apparently not. For one, you would need to pay attention to the rest of the design, not just the headlights. At the same time, Mercedes has two round “eyes” on each side, and Porsche’s is a bit off-angle so that it’s not flush with the hood. It’s the small details that apparently matter. For this Daewoo hottie the two round headlights just look like they’re trying to imitate a scared facial expression. What could it be scared of, you ask? Well, I think that’s pretty clear as well. Any car within 10 yards of this toy is enough to pose an incredible safety risk, and the little sucker knows it well. So he’s already bracing himself for a head-on collision. In fact, a slightly larger flying insect might put a hefty dent into that chassis. I doubt that it’s solid construction. It targets cheap markets, looks cheap, and definitely can’t have much “thickness” to the exterior sheets, even if they are indeed metal. They should be putting a quarter next to this thing in all pictures for size comparison. It’s so small and stumpy looking that a Prius would eat it for breakfast (if the Prius, or any cars, ate breakfast, that is). The one claim to fame we’ll grant the sizzling Matiz is that it was ahead of its own time by being such a tiny ride even way before the newcomers of the “green” revolution started coming along (which is pretty much just now). And ugly it was, just as hybrids and enviro-amicable cars are today. Take a good look at this one, car manufacturers of today, and consider why Daewoo went bust. Maybe take this as a warning and stop while you’re ahead. Oh shitters – you’re not ahead of anything. Never mind. You’ve got nowhere to go but up from here, so keep on “pioneering” and “inventing” as you do.
