Renault Trafic Panel Van
Today, Jalopnik.com ‘made a funny’ by featuring cars in which you could live once your house gets repossessed. So we thought why make a new theme for the day – let’s just continue on what’s already been made popular. We’d like to add our own little (or rather, big) fugly ride to the list, which would also potentially serve as lodging if necessary. Yet I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone to drive in this thing, let alone sleep in it. We will go ahead and also call this a FuglyRides.com original production (to some extent) because we have our own pictures of it – just like we were able to originally deliver images of the communist van from last week. Today we look at the horrendously boxy Renault Trafic Panel Van. Yup, it is indeed another Renault, which gives the French a back-to-back double feature. Aptly named, this van undoubtedly stops all traffic within sight as drivers all around lament the contamination of our roads.
Looking at the front, you all should be trained enough by now to notice the immediate mistake numero uno: mixing ugly and plain black plastic with nice ‘n shiny metal chassis. That’s a big no-no. Exposed plastic like that on a car should translate into “don’t do it” in any language, even the French one. Aside from that, it’s got that huge windshield, incredibly steep slant, and weak/rounded headlights. It looks like a helpless little mouse scouring for cheese – with big eyes to suggests its innocence and vulnerability. Who the heck wants a damn cargo van that looks too wussy for a soccer mom to drive? Its face is way to “smiley” and all happy. The out-bulging that the black plastic bumper is sporting is also not a good look. It creates another one of those “underbite” effects.
Now what comes to mind when you see the back? Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Precisely. Once again, here we go with the plastic. Didn’t the Honda Element teach car-makers anything. It wasn’t voted ugliest car all over the place for nothing. Why invite yourself into the same category? The Renault Trafic makes it even worse by pretending that it’s got some grandiose “columns” like an expensive bed headboard. I guess they do want you to sleep in it. Even worse though, this back view exposes the uber-boxy nature of this van. That’s just hideous from all sides. And check out that slight bump above the seating-cabin toward the front. Is that a design thing or does it serve a function during roll-overs? By itself it just looks like the car already has a bump from a roll-over. And just when you thought that all hope is lost…you’re right. They could have at least done something neutral with the rims. But no! They thought, why not include the cheapest possible kind of rims that we can get past quality control. Weak, crappy, thin metal. That’s all we’ll do for ya. After all, what can you expect? It’s not like the best rims out there could make up for the rest of that beast.
The Honda Element: Mostly Plastic and Not Ashamed
That's not just a different color. That's plastic!
Oh, Honda Element. Why art thou so ugly? Cause you sure are one heck of a butt-ugly car. One thing that I can appreciate about the people who made the Element is that they clearly had the guts to reveal that their new ride is mostly made of plastic. Never mind the fact that blatantly showing off the plastic trim around the front, wheels, side, back, etc. is just really unpleasant to look at. Forget that. What’s even better is that from a safety perspective, plastic really seems like it might not do a whole lot. Now of course the main-frame and cage are what’s important, and the rest of the chassis is just for show. Sure, all cars have plastic, especially for the front and rear bumpers. But c’mon – do you have to make it this obvious? Why advertise that the almost 20-thousand bucks you want people to spend will go towards buying unpainted plastic? At least the other folks out there making rides, whether they’re nice or ugly, put some effort into flushing the whole body exterior and matching all components so that it all looks nice and uniform. Not the Honda Element though. No, sir. They’ll make sure you know that the Polyethylene terephthalate from all the plastic water bottles that people so nicely recycle goes right into providing some nicely clashing decorative panels all around your brand-spankin’-new SUV. All you green party environmental freaks out there: this is for you. Go wild!
The newer generation of the Element (it’s still in production?! yeah, that’s what I was thinking!) seems to have caught on and remedied that problem at least. They’re now making it nice and flush on all parts of the car – “finally” following the “trend” that’s been around since the Model T came out. They still kept the roof in the same plastic design. But hey, you can’t have it all, right? That’s why the Element is still with us here on the fugly list. Yet it’s clearly not just that. What else is there? Well, let’s see. There seems to be a trend here. Look at the Ford Flex, the Scion xB, and the Element. What do they have in common? They all have zero curvature, simply made of several slabs of flat components welded/joined together in a simple box shape. The reason for this continued cube-movement must be that costs are lower in production. What else could explain the continued drive against aesthetics except for money. Money is always to blame in situations like these. The Element makes it all even worse though, because it’s so much bigger and wider and taller – which just makes it so much more boxy and cube-y. And then there are those suicide doors which just makes it all that much more tacky. If a sweet ride had these butterfly-type doors, then it would just make it even that much more “cool” – but for the hippies driving the Element, it just makes them look that much more clueless and disconnected with the society around them.
Even if you’ve gotten used to seeing this car on the road and have become fully habituated, not really analyzing its ugliness much anymore, you have to admit, whether you like it or not, that when you first laid eyes on this car you threw up in your mouth a little bit. Yea, it happened to all of us. The only way we can forgive the Honda team that worked on this is to blame it on the inevitable effect of habituation as they were exposed to the car repeatedly at every step of the design. They must have been rendered immune to its unattractiveness. At least they named it the Element through, clearly and undoubtedly referring to “The Elements” as in “inclement and severe weather” – and thus “undesirable” – reflecting their own subconscious disgust for this abomination.