East German Trabi Traban – in NEON PINK!
Here is another East-German lovely. Funny enough, it looks to be not far off in design from our previously posted Wartburg. Maybe they were all like-minded over there. Oh wait, they were forced to be like-minded during communism – so it would be no surprise if that transcended into every dimension of life, including design. Maybe it was because tastes were the same? Either way, this thingy might have been able to pick up the ladies in its day – but in neon pink?! This dude must have been ultra-desperate. I hope it worked for him – cause I’m sure his ‘bros’ definitely must have alienated him after he got that paint job.
Wartburg 353 Rusty Multicolored
Here is a non-classic and non-classy wanna-be classy classic. Straight from the source of its own motherland in East Germany, the Wartburg 353 is aptly names – as it’s just as appealing as a wart. In fact, funny enough, multi-colored warts are even more infected and bothersome than just continuous single-colored warts. Who wouldn’t want a nice “sky-and-clouds” themed (Wart)burg in their garage?!
VW Thing – The Name Says it All
This is one hideous, despicably ugly, horrendously unattractive, just blatantly disgusting wanna-be car. How in the world did they produce these? It’s easy to understand how someone designed it though – this thing took absolutely no work to plan out. Draw a straight line for each side, a straight line for the hood, a straight line for the windshield – and you know what, since we’re going with the theme of straight lines, why don’t you also draw several straight lines on each straight panel of plain metal that you can find. Yet despite all of this straightness, the car is as gay as anyone could have ever made it. And what the hell are those handles or bars in the front? Do they expect that people will hold on to those? When? While driving? Pulling the car when it doesn’t start? Are you suggesting it’s unreliable? I was hoping that at least it would be reliable since it seems like there is nothing else redeeming about it. This better be one of those cases where the performance makes up for the looks.
If you think a bit about it though, it might not be too surprising that this car was made as it is – considering that it’s from the Germans. Their whole culture relies on the premise that “everything must be in order.” They’re military people. A nation of systematic planners, strategists, and the enforcers of “order” – yet based on their own (often unfortunate) schedule. This car is just another example of that. What better way to ensure “order” and keep everything perfectly organized than to embody it in a concoction that symbolizes the easiest formation of geometrical order? This attempt at a car probably made the German people proud. Under a German brand, embodying German orderly perfection, and distributed across the world, it was a perfect example of German culture. Does that make it any better? Not at all. That just makes it worse – since it blinded the designers even more and misguided objectives, once again ruining aesthetics. Great job, Deutschland. At least you’re good at soccer though.
So they made a military vehicle that symbolized their people and hoped that the rest of the world would embrace it. Well, apparently there are always people on both sides. Even until today there are many fanboys and clubs and websites for the Volkswagen Thing. Ideally, VW should have been “disqualified” in the game of making cars after creating this crapper. Yet they stayed in the game – but only after creating more “Americanized” designs. That’s a win for the U.S. of A. Take that!
And a last word: Those rims are crazy-ugly. The black bumps look like tumors. Way ugly.