The Full Plastic Jeep Renegade Concept “Car”
While ridiculing many of the other cars, we’ve joked that they look like “toys” or “Fisher-Price” products. The goal was to make fun of their designs by suggesting how they “could” be viewed as objects for kids to play with. That was all for good times. This time, however, we’re not joking. This is full-out serious: The Jeep Renegade Concept vehicle looks positively and absolutely like a children’s toy. Looking at it, you just want to put your hand on it and push it across the window sill while making a “wrooom” noise.
We should be thanking whatever ‘overseer’ we believe in that this is just a concept car. At the same time, we should be praying to the same fella or lady that his never make it into production. Sure, metallic light-green is a nice color and all. But that’s it – if anything. Even worse, many people have blamed Chrysler (the makers of Jeep and this car – yup, the Chrylser that has gone downhill and is clearly not doing better as we can see) for just blatantly and outright-ly copying this car from the video game Halo. So not only is it ugly, but they didn’t even come up with it themselves! If you’re going to copy something anyway, why not make sure your tracing something S.I.C.K. like the Aston Martin One-77. Leave it up to Chrysler/Jeep though to really mess up. Just look at those puny headlights. Like a little creature just looking straight ahead, staring aimlessly, looking clueless. No conviction in that expression at all.
And check out that overly-rounded buttocks. Once again this is that type of example of a car where you wouldn’t know if you’re looking at the front or the back of it were it not for (of course) the position of the steering wheel and the color of the lights. Rounded like that is way out of style. And what are those compartments in the back? What are they holding? Looks like they’re buckets or something. What is this? A car to drive around and water plants? Is this another one of those attempts at making an enviro-mobile? No wonder! That might explain its ugliness. (Just go with this excuse, Jeepo)
Now let’s not get started on the “safety” aspect of this ride. Does it look like there is a roof option? Nope. You’ve gotta deal with it. Wanna ride it in the rain? Well, hopefully you like water. And water at high velocity at that – right in your face. In fact, forget water and rain. Take it out for a spin in any weather on any day, and with that 3-inch-tall windshield you’ll be sure to get some bugs smashed right into your face. If you’re lucky enough, you’ll get some flying insect right in your nose – and with the speed at which it will be traveling it could very well penetrate your brain membrane, rendering you dead, paralyzed, or incoherent for the rest of your life. Enjoy! Oh, and do you like it when your leg dangles freely in the open air? Well no problem! They’ve got you covered. Just put it through the half-door with the big gaping hole and you’ve got yourself a vacation.
The Curvaseous Loser: Chrysler PT Cruiser
The Offensive-Looking Bubbly Wagon
We don’t want to make it a habit to rehash cars that many lists already and definitively classified as absolutely ugly, but this one done deserved itself some extra attention. The PT Cruiser is ultimately what should be credited with Chryler’s horrible performance. Yet there had to be other problems at Chrysler as well (maybe a company-wide blindness epidemic) since they didn’t just stop at the hard-body PT itself – no, they also had to follow it up with the convertible. And while many have compared the topless version to a picnic-bound handbasket, we’d say that it looks more like a driving bathtub. All you need is some rain. Better yet, drive it into a lake so you won’t have to worry about the stigma associated with owning one of those uglers. Plus, you’ll have a great story to tell – just make up how it happened (unless you just want to let people know that you’re a good human being and drowned a PT Cruiser – you’ll immediately make many friends – in fact, you can count us in!)
While making it through production is one huge puzzle in itself, as with many fugly rides, another conundrum that is just impossible to understand is how people actually both this piece of scheit. The only explanation that we’ll buy is that some people (basically just queers and unhip yet wanna-be hip baby boomers) bought this misshapen wagon because they thought that it would make them look cool to drive one. Yet as the good people at Holy Taco explain, it certainly and definitely does not make you look anything close to cool. In fact, they aptly and accurately explain why it doesn’t make you the awesome kid on the block:
If you’ve ever wondered what a gay transformer would turn in to, wonder no more. Not only do they call a retarded amount of attention to themselves on the road, when you drive them you look like a soccer mom whose transporting alcohol during the prohibition era.
‘Nuff said.
The owners of the PT Cruisers are a great example of people who must have doubtlessly realized (although unfortunately too late) that they made a humongous mistake by buying the bathtub on wheels. After all, what else could explain the need for a “PT Cruiser Enthusiast Regional Club” in every single definable region of the United States? Clearly it can only be the fact that PT owners need to justify that they made the “best decision possible” by teaming up with others who messed up horribly in their purchase decision and proving to themselves (and each other) that “hey man, it’s ‘aight” with the friendly pat on the back. They have to make themselves believers somehow. This seems to be the only way to do it. After all, why isn’t there such a “regional club craze” for all other makes and models of cars that don’t scar your pupil when you look at them? Oh yeah, that’s right: that club is called the road. Oh snap.