The Curvaseous Loser: Chrysler PT Cruiser
The Offensive-Looking Bubbly Wagon
We don’t want to make it a habit to rehash cars that many lists already and definitively classified as absolutely ugly, but this one done deserved itself some extra attention. The PT Cruiser is ultimately what should be credited with Chryler’s horrible performance. Yet there had to be other problems at Chrysler as well (maybe a company-wide blindness epidemic) since they didn’t just stop at the hard-body PT itself - no, they also had to follow it up with the convertible. And while many have compared the topless version to a picnic-bound handbasket, we’d say that it looks more like a driving bathtub. All you need is some rain. Better yet, drive it into a lake so you won’t have to worry about the stigma associated with owning one of those uglers. Plus, you’ll have a great story to tell - just make up how it happened (unless you just want to let people know that you’re a good human being and drowned a PT Cruiser - you’ll immediately make many friends - in fact, you can count us in!)
While making it through production is one huge puzzle in itself, as with many fugly rides, another conundrum that is just impossible to understand is how people actually both this piece of scheit. The only explanation that we’ll buy is that some people (basically just queers and unhip yet wanna-be hip baby boomers) bought this misshapen wagon because they thought that it would make them look cool to drive one. Yet as the good people at Holy Taco explain, it certainly and definitely does not make you look anything close to cool. In fact, they aptly and accurately explain why it doesn’t make you the awesome kid on the block:
If you’ve ever wondered what a gay transformer would turn in to, wonder no more. Not only do they call a retarded amount of attention to themselves on the road, when you drive them you look like a soccer mom whose transporting alcohol during the prohibition era.
‘Nuff said.
The owners of the PT Cruisers are a great example of people who must have doubtlessly realized (although unfortunately too late) that they made a humongous mistake by buying the bathtub on wheels. After all, what else could explain the need for a “PT Cruiser Enthusiast Regional Club” in every single definable region of the United States? Clearly it can only be the fact that PT owners need to justify that they made the “best decision possible” by teaming up with others who messed up horribly in their purchase decision and proving to themselves (and each other) that “hey man, it’s ‘aight” with the friendly pat on the back. They have to make themselves believers somehow. This seems to be the only way to do it. After all, why isn’t there such a “regional club craze” for all other makes and models of cars that don’t scar your pupil when you look at them? Oh yeah, that’s right: that club is called the road. Oh snap.
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